The best old doctor in the town.
Anon: Well doctor what can you cure?
Doctor Brown: I can cure the plague, within, without,
Also the palsy and the gout,
Bring me an old woman, three score and ten
The knuckle joint of a big toe broke,
I'll take it off and put it on again.
Anon: Well done doctor. What is your medicine?
Doctor Brown: A wee bottle in my waistcoat pocket called:
Hens pens, peezy weezy,
Bumbie's bacon, donkey's treacle,
Sap of the poker, juice of the tongs,
Three turkey's eggs, nine miles long.
Put that in a mouse's blather,
Stir it up with a wild pig's feather.
Put three drops in Jack's ear
And he'll get up and sing a song!
Jack: Once I was dead but now I'm alive,
God bless the old doctor who made me survive.
Or, in another version:
MC: And what can you cure, Doctor?
Doctor Broon: I can cure all sorts.
MC: And what kind o all sorts.
Doctor Broon: Liquorice allsorts. I've got a little bottle
here of inksy pinksy parleyvous, all covered
over wi cats' feathers and midges' ribs.
I shall put a little on his nose.
I shall put a little on his toes.
Rise up Jack and sing a song ...
from Galoshins Remembered, ed. Emily Lyle (Edinburgh: NMS, 2011)